remember all kids will eventually turn 11...

yesterday was just one of those days on Idol that was so dull that the storyline was more about Paula's comments towards Jason Castro then it was about the performances. Syesha did good and i am going to predict that Jason Castro goes home in a stunner.

however, if we are to look at the Facebook, i think Syesha might be in a bit of trouble. let's look at the big Facebook-based fan groups for the remaining five. Syesha's group has a measly while 1,286 members while David Cook (7,303), David Archuleta (15,568), Brooke White (2,675) and Jason Castro (12,831) have groups with, well, significantly more fans.

so does Syesha deserve to go home tonight? no way. could she? yes, America is full of a bunch of morons.

anyways, i had my mentoring lunch today with my kid Isreal and apparently he had developed an attitude and wanted to have lunch with his 5th grade homies. being as i was already at the school, i decided to have lunch with Izzy and his friends. bad mistake.

our entire conversations was about who at the table was gay or fat. very stimulated talk from th children. they also announced to the entire cafeteria that i had a crush on the art teacher and every 11-year-old girl in their class. the higlight was when Izzy took my nametag which has the word "Cox" on it as the Statesman is owned by Cox Exterprise. turns out that the children find the word "Cox" hilarious so that was another fun and awkward five minutes of conversation.

the moral of the story? don't have boys, they're a bunch of idiots.

why won't any athletes yell and scream at me?

picture of a lady not angered with my hard-hitting questions... about why she's a Cowboys fan.

Deadspin has begun an interesting series that asks reporters about awkward encounters they've had with athletes. some, like Jeff Passan's, are rather good. some, like John Gonzalez's, are somewhat lame. but all-in-all it's a good series and as a sports journalist, i find it pretty intriguing.

that got me thinking about my worst situation and after thinking about it, i don't have any awful experiences. both George Rogers and Dave Clark have referred to me as a 15-year-old and Detroit wide receiver Roy Williams once looked at me like i was an idiot but in all fairness, i asked a really stupid question. i was relayed numerous messages from various freshman football players that J.D. Quinn wanted to kill me but the one chance he actually got, he just glared at me and walked off.

i would probably say that my worst experience happened with Bobby Hauck during my senior year of high school. it was the week of Cat-Griz and we were at a stupid press conference and Bobby was answering questions with his usual barrage of cliche answers "He's a great player," "We've taking it a day at a time," blah blah blah.

a note of importance was this press conference came the week after i had written a pretty scathing review of KPAX, a local news station that aired the football games and was probably UM's best media ally.

anyways, the press conference finished and i hadn't asked a question because i wasn't there to talk to Bobby, i was there to talk to the volleyball players who were coming up right after football. some PR guy asked if that was it and Bobby interrupted, looked right at me and said coldly "Are you sure there aren't any other questions?" seeing that he was trying to call me back, i smiled back and said something like "I'm pretty sure they're aren't." then the KPAX guy exclaimed "Oh, look the Kaimin has nothing to say. What a surprise." then, of course, followed a few seconds of awkward silence and the football presser was over.

the best drama followed when i found out that the school had contimplated removing my press credentials because of my article. it was one of many confrontations between myself and the UM Athletic Department but this was, i think, the only one in which actual words were exchanged between a coach or player.

the end.

i am the mozzarella sticks of serious relationships

so, i had a surreal moment on the Facebook the other day. i was doing my daily boredom-fused stalking and i ended up on a page of an ex-girlfriend and i saw this under the relationship status: "engaged."

i was taken aback because the guy that Ashley, my first "love", is now engaged to is the same guy she cheated on me with four years ago. now i have no ill feelings towards Ash nor do i feel anything towards her other than the faint scent of a friendship and i really do wish them nothing but the best. but it was still weird thinking that had things not gone so bad during the spring of 2004, that might have been me. odd.

Ashley becomes the fourth girl that i have been romantically involved with over the last four or five years that has recently become engaged and/or married. almost all of the rest of the exes have spent the past year in a serious relationship. i guess the moral of this story is if you are ready to find a man to settle down with, hook up with me and that guy will appear shortly thereafter. i'm like a frickin' appetizer... or a bad Dane Cook movie.

wallet intact, i break down my 1st club expereince

now i have done my fair share of dancing in my days. i've danced at the Prom, in random cars and a country bar in Nashville. but i have never actually danced in a club. now there is a difference between a club and a bar and i think the Austin's own Whiskey Bar and Cuba Libre are more bar than club because, well. you can actually hear other people's voices in there... and there are no girls dancing around in their underwear... there are also no fog machines.

so yesterday, i ended up at Pangea, which is a warehouse district club and, since it is apparently modeled after clubs in Miami, had all the aforementioned intangibles. however, it took me about 15 minutes to realize why i don't often go to clubs: they are lame. sit down, buckle up and let me hit you children with some knowledge:

• the music... the music wasn't bad but the DJ wouldn't shut up and had way too many "this is for all the 25-year-old single ladies in the house" shoutouts for one man to handle. the music was also loud. very very loud. i go out to hang out with friends and chat, not to go deaf. the music was so loud that i literally could not hear anything anybody said to me the entire night but i guess if you have an annoying voice, the club is a great place to go to hook up.
• the drinks... first off, it took me roughly 20 minutes to get a drink. secondly, the drinks were rather expensive. the damage for two Bud Lights and a Yager/Red Bull? $24 plus a tip. suggested retail value: i'm guessing a lot less.
• the attire... i went to the club with my friend Carlyle and some of his co-workers. we were supposed to be joined by our softball teammate Elisio but he didn't get past the front door because he was wearing shorts. now more often than naught i will dress up if i go out but if i am feeling lazy and just want to put on a sweatshirt, i don't want to be getting denied at the doorways. i'm already paying $24 for a couple Bud Lights, i should get to wear what i frickin' want.
• the people... even though they are dressed nicely, there are some shady people who frequent bars. but i guess where there are girls dancing in their underwear, shady people will appear. i think so guy tried to pick my pocket but picked the wrong pocket. either that or he was trying to get fresh. either way, i didn't appreciate it.
  
• the girls... there are lots of them and 90% of them are probably too hot to talk to me anyways. but right now, it doesn't matter i am too stuck on the thought of girl-who-shall-remain-unnamed-for-now-but-if-you-thought-about-it- wouldn't-be-that-hard-to-figure-out (GWSRUFNBIYTAIWBTHTFO for short).

so yea, that's the deal. i actually had a pretty good time last night and if clubbin' is your thing then i would definitely suggest trying out Pangea. there are plenty of worse places to hang out in downtown Missoula (see: the Jackalope). it just want's my scene and that's all i can really say about it.

50 Cent, take us home.

less suicidal Browns fans on NFL Draft Saturday...

OTHER SPORTING NOTE: Dear Rockies, quit sucking. love, me.

i am not going to put together a mock draft but i will go on a limb and guess that Miami is going to take Michigan OT Jake Long with the first overall pick. since the draft for some stupid reason isn't starting until 2 p.m and i will be in Waco for more fun track action, i am going to miss the majority of the draft.

luckily, it doesn't really matter because the Browns don't have a pick during the first day. yes, while the Falcons and Chiefs each have six selections today, the Browns have zero. Cleveland's first pick will be Sunday in the fourth round, the 122nd overall pick.

but i am not going to complain because the first-rounder helped us get the world's most glorified back-up quarterback (seriously Brady, what do you have to do on Sundays?) last year. our other two picks went in trades this off-season that helped stack up our defense and make the Browns the possible favorite (so weird to say) in the AFC North.

the lack of an early first-round pick also means that the Browns brass will be unable to kill the spirits of their loyal fanbase. granted the last four first rounds have netted us K2, Braylon, Wimbley, Joe Thomas and the glorified backup but Browns fans are never going to forget the disasters that were Tim Couch, Courtney Brown (pictured above) and the great Gerard Warren, who Cleveland management figured would make a much better player than that LaDanian Tomlinson. and trust me, it didn't take long to figure out that Gerard's quick does not smell like french toast.

although the draft will be a whole lot less interesting/painful to follow the draft, i'm beginning to think it's a good sign that Cleveland isn't on the board today and i'm still saying the Super Bowl is looking pretty doable right now. i mean, the less time Mel Kiper talks about you, the better, right?

summer schedule of '08 now somewhat set in stone

i am supposed to be covering a track meet right now but that whole weather idea has made it kind of tough to do my job. the regional meet (big meet to qualify for State) in Waco has endured two rain delays this first of which set things back about two hours and the current one we're in is creeping close to an hour in duration.

luckily i was at dinner when the first one happened so i just had to drive around in a downpour. it's very possible that i might not get out of here until 10 or 11, and then i have a fun 30-some mile drive to Temple to find my hotel. i am going to be unconscious by the time i hit the sheets.

anyways, the summer schedule is quickly filling up and i am getting pretty excited. first off, William Oram will be interning in the sports department at the Statesman this summer so i am forecasting some good times in and out of the office. secondly, the first two months or so of summer will consist mostly of covering the Express and i've got to say there are plenty of worst things than being paid to cover the game you love.

and then there is the vacation calender. my trip to DC (June 19-22) was confirmed today when i, well, bought the plane ticket. i will in DC for a mini-Statesman reunion with Anne, Carrie and Steve "Buy U A Drank" Stein and to see two ol' UM buddies (Ian and Eleena) and miss Maura Judkis (who i think might have just set a record, with three, for most times name dropped in TYC for a week). on the agenda for DC: a Nats game.

then it's off to the UNITY conference in Chicago (July 23-27) where i will be reunited with many alumni from both SJI and Chips Quinn. on the agenda for Chicago: a Cubs game and maybe a White Sox game.

finally, although this isn't 100% yet because i haven't gotten the ticket, i will probably be spending 4th of July weekend in the Los Angeles, hanging out with Jaimieleen. so that will be cool to see her (it's been like two whole years) and although the Dodgers are not in town, the Angels are so add them to the agenda!

a trip to Billings and Missoula was planned but because of work, it had to be canceled. take it off the agenda! that's all, maybe God will cease the raining for a few hours so i can get out of here before it's technically Saturday.

Uncle Denny apparently not a fan of dance/sit-ins

IDOL UPDATE: Brooke White is awful, just awful. but instead of the virgin nanny getting the well-deserved boot, Carly Smithson went home. poor choice America, poor choice.

this morning i spent some time scanning the Kaimin website and i read a story about my good ol' friends at the SESJ. and by good 'ol friends, i mean like J.D. Quinn, they don't like me very much either... partially for juicyness like this and this.

here's a short recap of what happened before yesterday: the SESJ are all for the sweatshop free clothing and have been determined that UM joins a organization that overseas sweatshop apparel. the SESJ has had some crappy tactics when it comes to protesting but two come to mind: last year's Main Hall dance-in... when president George Dennison wasn't there and the sit-in in a vacant Dennison's office earlier this year. well, Uncle Denny (seen above crushing dreams in a Hugh Carey picture for the Kaimin) met with the SESJ for a whole seven minutes and shot them down, sending one member away from the meeting crying.

excellent.

now i know i am friends (well, Facebook friends) with a couple people in the SESJ and i somewhat commend their drive but i hate their methods. and since i hate their methods more than i admire their drive, i in turn don't like the SESJ. it's time for the SESJ to grow the fuck up and start protesting like adults. since when are dance-ins taken seriously? nobody takes dancers seriously (see: Hammer).

this is a serious topic but how can anybody actually take these guys seriously? put on a damn suit already and try your protest with Dennison in a serious manner. hell, try protesting with Dennison on a day that he's actually in his office. i don't think UM has an unreasonable argument here either so settle the crap down and be happy that they've still signed on with the Workers Rights organization.

that's all i have to say about it. the SESJ still sucks. and that ladies and gentlemen, is the random rant about my alma mater concerning an issue that i really shouldn't care about anymore.

oh, and William Oram wrote an editorial about this. it's good, read it.

Syesha Mercado: My Lady in Red

so this is TYC's 100th post so of course we are going to celebrate it with... AMERICAN IDOL.

Tuesday night was Andrew Lloyd Weber night at Idolwood and there was the excellent (Syesha), the decent (Carly) and the awful (Brooke White). i'm pretty indifferent on the guys tonight because the Davids performed Phantom of the Opera which is my favorite musical so i'm pretty biased there and Jason who was bad but was also reaaaaaaaally out of his element so i will give him a bit of a pass.

but let's talk about Syesha some more. man, she was so damn sexy on Tuesday night. the way she sang and flaunted around the stage is going be running through my dreams all night long. and assist to Ricky Miner, the band leader, for breaking it down with his dance moves.

IDOL UPDATE: on second review, David Archuleta sucked. at about the 1:25 part of this clip, he obviously fumbles the lyrics. the lyrics are Imagine me/tyring to hard/to put you/from my mind. Archuleta's version (with a convenient shot to the back of his head) was Imagine me/mumble mumble softly/mumble mumble/my miiiiiiind.

of course the judges didn't comment on the prodigy's slip-up. with the horrible omission and their constant fawning over David Cook's "originality" i think it's safe to say that the judges on American Idol are probably more musically ignorant than my parents.

but even with his mess-up on Wednesday, David Archuleta isn't going anywhere. my pick to go home: Brooke White, she's horrible.

H-rod, Barackanator and McPain wrestle for votes

it's been about over a month since the last meaningful primary elections in Texas and Ohio but today the political process is back on as the voters will go to the poll in Pennsylvania, home of Maura Judkis who has been getting lots of love from TYC this week.

as we've seen on the Colbert Report and SNL with both Hillary and Barack, the candidates have been stooping for votes in any way possible... and last night, things hit a new low. Hill, Barack and McCain all appeared in videos for a WWE event and while i'm all about rocking the vote, this was kind of pathetic. the YouTube video that i linked to just shows little segments of each candidates clips... i've seen each candidates' full WWE appearance and trust me, we're better off with this minute-long montage..

Hillary dubbed herself with a new nickname, which is against the rules as you're not allowed to come up with nicknames for yourself or i'd have made sure "Magic" caught on for me 10 years ago. Barack turned in the least sincere performance as he was obviously just reading from a cue-card with a look of self-loathing. McCain, the Republican, sold me as the guy who actually has probably a good number of WWE matches in his day and although he would go on to use the same "Can you smell what _____ is cooking" line as Obama, i'd guess that he'd probably take either Democratic candidate in a cage match.

it's a small world after all

back from a short break. i wasn't able to go to Phoenix because Maria is acting up but i hear that my Grandma's service was good. my dad was able to make it down to Arizona, so that's all that matters.

the second season of Ball Bustas softball has started and with the team dropped down to the Super Social division, the spring squad rolled to an 18-10 opening day win on Thursday. afterwards we celebrated and i had two of those "it's a small world" moments. we have seven new people on our team and three of the girls room together. of those girls, one roomed at the University of Oklahoma with the sister of my good friend J.D. Quinn, who by good friend hates me, mostly for this and this. one of the other roommates was in the same sorority at OU as a girl i went to high school with.

i had had enough "small world "experiences to last a few months but i had another on Saturday when some members of the Bustas went out for a post-bar bite of food at a West 6th Street deli (around 2:30 a.m.) and i ran into a random MSU graduate that was in town for a wedding. odd.

but none of those incidents compares to the "small world" experience of fall 2003, when i met my cousin. flashback to the spring of that year when i was a senior at Senior and i was representing my state at a journalism conference in DC. while there i met a gal named Maura (pictured above) who hailed from the great state of Pennsylvania. it was a fun time and Maura was one of the few of the 100 folks that were at the conference that i stayed in contact with after the departure from DC (Ashley was another, but thats a different story for a different day).

anyways, now we are back in fall of 2003 and i am a froshie at the University of Montana and Maura is back in DC at George Washington University. late one night i was multitasking, working on an ENEX 101 paper and chatting with Maura on AIM when Maura mentioned that her roommate had family from Billings, my hometown.

probably because i am a bit cocky and thought i was incredibly popular i asked her if she knew who her roommate's family was. Maura replied that she just remembered the name was McNally, which took me back because that is my grandmother's maiden name. i asked her if her roommate was related to Dave McNally the baseball player and Maura said she was. by then i was freaking out a little bit and Maura's roommate had been called to the computer.

turns out, Maura's roommate at GWU was my second cousin (we share the same great grandmother, her grandfather was the brother of my grandma - my mom's mom, not the recently deceased grandmother). we had met a couple of times before in passing but it took a girl from Pittsburgh to bring together a boy from Montana with his cousin from Salt Lake.

on a side note, Cuuuuz (AKA Caitlin) is getting married this summer.

another side note, maura went to the same high school as Christina Aguilera. she also roots for a crappy sports team and just helped develop a Facebook application called Gradzilla, so download it.

the letter that Grandma sent me

on Monday my Grandma June, who had had Alzheimer's disease for quite some time, passed away in Glendale. the memorial service will be on Saturday morning and i am going to try to make it out there for that if Maria is up to the task (and i am sitting in a repair shop getting her serviced at the moment to see if she'll be up to the challenge).

Grandma June was my dad's mother and with her passing, i have one living grandparent. my Grandpa Bob (my dad's dad from whom I got my middle name, Robert, from) passed away during my sophomore year of high school and my other grandfather died well before i was born but i really don't care about him because he was a bit of a racist (true story).

since my grandmother didn't live near me, i've only had a handful of face-to-face interactions with her over the years and her Alzheimer's did make a relationship hard. however, i did try to write her a nice, long letter at least one a year.

Grandma wrote me back once and it was one of the sadder moments of my life. i rarely cry but i did break down in letters when i read the letter during August of 2006. it was a seven-page handwritten letter and it started off as any other letter, with her telling me how proud she was of me and how she wanted to come to my graduation, etc, etc.

but then she started to drift and the letter became directed to someone who she hadn't talked to in years. she began to talk about her life with my grandfather, the building of the house she's lived in my entire life and about my father who had gone to school, gotten married and started a family. by about page six she was talking about a grandson that she had that was about to graduate from college (me) and how proud she was of him. it was really sad thing to read but was incredibly beautiful at the same time.

Alzheimer's is a bitch of a disease and i hope that nobody has to go through it with a family member. apparently its a hereditary disease and with as sporadic and random as my dad acts, we can only continue to pray that he doesn't have it.

but as sad as i am about Grandma's passing, i'm not devastated because, all things considered, she lived a good life. i believe strongly in Heaven and as strongly devout in her religion as Grandma was, i'm going to guess that's she's up there chilling right now, reunited with Grandpa Bob, who was taken too soon.

i don't really know how to close this blog, death is really weird.

short post, read it and savor

i wasn't going to write about anything today but i am going through my DVR and am now watching "The Paper," a new MTV reality show about a high school student newspaper. as if i didn't know this already but teenagers are idiots and i am going to create a David Cook-esque hatred for the Amanda chick (who won the position of editor-in-check in a dramatic pilot episode)... check that, i will end up hating on all those lil' fuckers.

as the children all rush to secure the editor's position it brought me back to a time when i was a senior in high school and was in charge on the Bronc Express. well, it was me and four other executive editors over the course of the year... but regardless, everyone knew it was my newspaper. Kale's too. everybody knew this, of course, but Mr. Gardner who gave the Captain's Table seat to Captain John in a move that i may or may not be still a little peeved about.

let's just say that Mr. Gardner hated me which could be in part, because i might have ignored everything he said to me) hell, it took everybody volunteering to drop out of contention for Gardner to finally select me as Senior's candidate for journalist of the year in the state competition although it wasn't even a question that needed to be asked.

i think MTV should have actually just thought of this idea a few years ago and taped the Bronc Express. we had everything that makes a good TV show: love, hate, scorn, rivalries and screaming matches. so in other words, as i watch this show i am finding myself incredibly jealous of 17-year-olds... why couldn't it have been me!?!

i'm going to have a bachelor's pad until i'm 70.

IDOL UPDATE: Brooke is awful and i think she is going home. i am likely wrong.

i'm feeling a little bit jaded today (could be the four hours of sleep i got combined with the 15-hour work day i have today) so this is going to come off as a cranky rant so buckle up. you've heard it here first: i am going to be a lifelong bachelor. yip, i'm destined to a life of singlehood and i've just come to embrace it.

* now my problems in the arena of dating come in many shapes and sizes so let's take a look at some of them. first, let's look at my fear of women. let's face it, girls are scary and so i don't often go out and hit on them. i'm not the guy in the bar buying girls drinks to get them in bed, i'm the guy who is buying a girl a drink to apologize for my asshole friend who just bought her a drink to try to get her into bed.

i don't like rejection so i don't leave myself open to the possibility with random strangers. i have shown interest in two girls since i got down here and i've been rejected twice. do you know what? it's not fun. heck i don't even like rejection among people i know which is why 90% of my relationships have been set up by friends. so no more rejection for me, i'm done. i am just going to settle into an eternal life of meeting girls to become "just friends" because by the time i meet a girl and actually get to know her, thats usually the cop-out excuse she can use. moving on...

* my second issue is the standards i want in a girl. i have a checklist (examples: either already is or is en route to being college educated, church-going, wouldn't mind if i invited Denzel to be in the wedding party) and if you miss one thing on that list, you're done because i can't see it going longterm. it could last a while but it eventually is going to end which actually brings me to my next issue.

the church issue causes the most problems. religion is an important deal to me and i just can't see myself getting married to someone who isn't a devout Christian. i saw the way my parents' relationship functioned when they were going to church and that in itself was a big enough selling point for me. plus there's issues of raising children and just general life problems that could be avoided by belonging to the same religion.

so i need to find a church girl but i don't have time during the week to go meet people at a small group or something and it's kind of creepy to go to actual church to pick up women. so where am i going to find this girl? no where and so instead i stay single.

* i'm 22 going on 50 and i don't believe in casual dating. i'm not asking you out for you to grab a beer with me and never talk to me again, i'm asking you out to be in a relationship. that's why you won't see me at the bar hitting on the ladies and that's why anyone i develop a liking to is someone that i've spent a lot of time with, which brings us back to the "just friends" problem.

* i let my imagination overrule the realistic part of my heart. right now the girl i am head over heels for is a girl that i can't have. she's perfect with ironically a few flaws, most notably the fact that she lives nowhere near me. would i love it to work? yes. do i find 100 different scenarios in which it would work? of course. is it realistic? that's the debate that i struggle with daily. dream relationships always turn up in roses when they play out in my head.

* i'm too ugly to be on The Bachelor.

so, yea i am done writing about this. there are the six or seven reasons that you will never get a wedding invitation in the mail from me.

a flashback to the Kaimin awards show... er, DSN

as was mentioned over at Duganz at 23, this past Friday was the annual journalism banquet better known as Dean Stone Night. and for the first time in five years i was not there so it was weird flipping through the Facebook pictures and not seeing myself or any of the fine folks pictured above.

i always had a good time at DSN and it was always kind of funny to talk to the non-Kaimin kids afterwards since they were usually kind of bitter that the banquet turned into a who's who of the Kaimin office. but then again, when you sacrifice your social life for the sake of the newspaper, i think you should be peppered with scholarship money at least one night a year.

but Class of 2007ers we had a good run, inventing the concept of the banquet night broadcast slam and finding new ways to smile awkwardly when you've been awarded a scholarship for being an ethnicity that you weren't. i think we should have an adult DSN though because, honestly, i just want to be able to sit at the cool kid's table again.

Bill Clinton would have taken that shot like a man

it's no secret that Bill Clinton holds a special place in my heart in part because i feel that he is a 20-year-old college student living in a 61-year-old's body. well, Hillary has taken a page from her husband's book of hipness and recently decided to publicly drink a beer and take a shot of Crown at a bar in Indiana. she earned some points for refusing "something sweet" but i had to deduct her for sipping the shot. what is she, 17? c'mon Hillary down the golden liquid!

alright Obama, your turn to respond. i'm suggesting that he hit up the Penn State campus next Friday for a keg stand in some random dorm.

Thandie Newton and the Fergie are both haunting my dreams for completely different reasons

there are plenty of things that suck in this world: this dumbass, celery and the comic Dilbert. do you know what else sucks? dreams. yes dreams, you know those things you have when you close your eyes at night.

i've decided that there is no such thing as a good dream. it's just not possible. there are the stereotypical nightmares which for example for me would entail me running from the Klan while such great Fergie songs as Glamorous, Fergalicious (listen to Fergie teach you how to spell!!!) and Clumsy comprised the dream's soundtrack (which is nearly as tragic as me actually knowing the title of that many Fergie songs). that is what us in the business call a nightmare kids and when you wake up from a nightmare, you never wake up in a good mood.

now let's look at a so-called "good dream." a good dream for me would have me winning the lottery and getting to hook up with Thandie Newton. now while that dream would be awesome eventually i have to wake up and when i wake up there is nothing but disappointment. i wake up alone with no Thandie Newton in sight and realize that instead of winning the lottery all that is in my wallet is a single dolla bill, a $25 check that has yet to be cashed and two credit cards that need to be paid off. so in the span i went from awesome to sucktastic in just a few seconds.

so yes with nightmares you wake up scared and in a cold sweat. with a good week you wake up disappointed and angry. so that is the reasoning behind my "dreams suck" rant. sleep tight.

my final few days in the Huxtable family

i've been meaning to talk about this for a few days but on Tuesday, i made a purchase that will mark the end of an era in my life. yes, earlier this week i bought the final two seasons of the Cosby Show on DVD.

the show must have gotten new writers during season 7 because this is probably when the show jumped the so-called shark. first off, cousin Pam and her friends enter the picture and are given a lot more dialog which kind of focuses on the lifestyle of the stereotypical African-American that the show had steered clear from over the past six seasons. secondly, Olivia unfortunately replaced Rudy as the kid who gets the most face time. finally, Lisa Bonet is once again being slowly phased out of the show and will be completely gone by season 8.

so, i'd say that season 7 is probably my least favorite season of the series. that being said, the 7th season of the Cosby Show is still 40 times better than the best season of Friends, Seinfeld or some other crap show like Married with Children.

i have about four or five episodes left to watch in season 7 and then i will probably work my way through season 8 this weekend. and then that's it, there's nothing left for me to look forward to unless you want to count the one weekend that will inevitably come in which i will not shower and just watch all eight seasons back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back (that's that whole not having a girlfriend thing for you).

after i get to attend Theo's graduation in the final episode i am going to have to say good-bye to my fictional family and, i guess, start paying attention to the real one. the end of an era indeed.

Kristy Lee outlasts another Idol she is worse than

not much to say here other than Michael Johns went home on Idol on Thursday night while somehow Kristy Lee Cook avoided the bottom three. this just further enhances my belief that she is a character from Tuck Everlasting and just can't die.

the ninja turtles get the bad touch... from Duganz

inside sources tell me that Patrick Duganz has robbed four old ladies in the past month and kicks babies on a regular basis. he also allegedly likes to have sex with a snack pack of turtles that includes the galapagos, greek spur-thighed tortoise and four turtles that are mutated ninjas (pictures above in a dramatic reenactment with i guess me playing the role of Leonardo). Duganz's actions has led to his banishment from 17 zoos and 254 toy stores across the nation.*

Duganz runs Duganz at 23 which i guess means he will no longer blog when he turns 24 which is a blessing for all. what kind of blogger does he think he is? he uses capital letters regularly! very lame.

and yes, Duganz somehow found a way to routinely beat me on web hits at the Kaimin last year (i blame a solid fan base in Butte) but guess what? he did only the SECOND best Dick-in-a-Box dance in the Kaimin newsroom last year and his "Bossy" was a joke. yea, that's right Duganz, i went there.

enough talk about Duganz... in today's example of good journalism, here is a reminder of how good Rick Reilly once was. and now he's spending his time having to have Clooney rewrite his script to Leatherheads.

* by inside sources, TYC means it completely made it up. TYC likes to namedrop the ninja turtles.

bowling is apparently harder than being president

IDOL UPDATE: it's "Idol Gives Back" week and since they didn't kick anyone off during last year's festivities, i doubt they will do it again this year. however, if they do Brooke White should be sweating although David Cook was easily the worst last night. but there's no way Cook goes home until the top 3, which is unfortunate.

it was nice to see Syesha back to her original hairstyle and flair but the girl has painted herself into a corner. singing in the R&B genre, she isn't allowed to be gain votes based on the entertainment aspect of her performance (David Cook, Michael Johns) or reinvent songs (Cook, Jason Castro). instead, she has to sing well-known R&B songs to gather votes from those unfamiliar with the genre but in doing so she has fallen into the trap of singing too familiar songs (last week it was Whitney's greatest, this week it was the song that Fantasia used to win in season 3) and her performances fall well short of the originals. hopefully she can get that issue fixed soon or she might be gone in the next few weeks.

MUSIC UPDATE: speaking of re-makes of classic songs, i usually hate them. in most cases don't mess with the originals, i say. especially don't fuck with my favorites (Michael, the Temptations, etc.). but i must say that the Boyz II Men remake of the Temptations classic ballad "Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) is realllllllly good. not as good as the original but i love it. and if you hadn't figured it out, the YouTube video of the Temptations is an incredibly shortened version of the song.

onto today's topic... bowling.

my presidential vote is likely going to go to a Democrat that can't bowl higher than a 40 which is just downright embarrassing. how is bowling suddenly a tougher thing to do than solving the economy or the crisis in Iraq? it's two pins for every frickin' ball and even if Obama only bowled six or seven frames, the average is only about three pins for every ball. 40!!!!!

the gun-tottin', rough-n-tough Republicans get to trot out P.O.W. hero John McCain and we're stuck with two candidates who can't knock over a bunch a white pins with a 14-pound ball. i'd be willing to bet that McCain, who is 90 and i believe can't lift his hands over his head because of his war injuries, could bowl better than a 40. i'm not even the best bowler in my immediate family but i think i was hitting 40 when i was six.

on another note, i was flipping through the channels on Sunday and i stopped for a moment on the ESPN. like on most Sundays there was a bowling tournament but for some reason this was a high school bowling tournament. yes, now not only are we exploiting little kids' baseball and basketball with high school phenoms, there is a market for 16-year-olds knocking down strikes and then having their moms drive them home.

i have a new penpal and his name is Danny Davis

the post about the KU game was going to be my only post of the day but i heard something on the radio this morning and thought it was a real good idea. the fine folks at the Bobby Bones Show were talking about a Brad Paisley song in which he writes a letter to his 17-year-old self to drop some knowledge. the show decided to write letters to their younger selves and i think that is a good idea.

however, being as i am only 22, i am not going to write a letter to 17-year-old Danny but instead 12-year-old me is going to get some mail. so here goes.

NOTE: before you read this, you should turn on some sappy yet upbeat Vitamin C song to make this all the more corny and awesome.

dear 12-year-old Danny,

so what's hanging? you know that "Too Close" song that all your peeps are jamming out to right now, well, that song will still be a cult hit 10 years from now. oh, one thing, i know that the song has a great beat and you have those precious virgin ears but that song is incredibly dirty so quit trying to sing it... especially in front of the parents and at church.

how are those days in the 7th grade treating you? it's a fun time, isn't it? hey, you know that can of dog food that you and your buddy Dan are going to give that girl Diedra Hill that you hate? don't do it. i know that Dan seems like your best friend but trust me, you will never talk to that kid again after the dog food incident so just stop talking to him now and save yourself a trip to the principal's office. also, that trying-to-kill-yourself incident that will be popping up in roughly three or four months? yea, that's just a dumb call and there will be bigger fish to fry in your lifetime.

i know that life kind of sucks right now as you don't have many friends and the only cute girl that talks to you has to because you go to church together. but hang in there and next year when you start playing football, you will start to become popular. and talk to the parents about getting rid of those huge circular glasses that you like to rock, they aren't hip at all.

high school is when you will start coming into your own, so buckle up and enjoy the ride. first off, i know it sounds like a good idea but avoid buying that Lou Bega CD and those Christina Aguilera concert tickets. you'll thank me when your friends aren't laughing at you years later.

on another note, take your grades more seriously. that 4.0 you will get during your first semester showed your potential so try studying for a biology test every once in a while. also, man up and take risks: you will test into sophomore math as a freshman, don't hold back. you will get into the advanced english classes after toiling in the regular class for a semester, don't be intimidated. you're a smart kid and that should be reflected on your report card. you can do better than just graduating with honors.

have fun with your sports but don't take them too seriously. you aren't good enough to get a football scholarship but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself either. don't quit playing baseball because intramural softball, while awesome, just isn't that same thing. play golf more too, it's a fun and humbling sport.

funny story, the parentals are kind of bad with saving money so the University of Oregon isn't going to happen. neither is Northwestern, UA or the University of Chicago. you're going to be going to the University of Montana but quit whining, it's the best thing that will ever happen to you. instead of spending your first two years figuring out how you are going to transfer, embrace Missoula and enjoy your time there.

while we are on the subject of college, avoid Econ. you don't understand it at 12-years-old, you won't understand it during freshman year and you still won't get it when you are 22. also, treat your history major as more than jut a hobby but don't take any classes from Linda Frey because she can't teach. oh, and that whole "i'm-too-good-for-Spanish" phase you'll go through, snap out of it or else you'll spend two years attempting to learn a language (Japanese) that you'll forget by the time you graduate.

when you get to campus you will be hired by the Montana Kaimin, the campus newspaper. trust your instincts and go with them because what you do in that office will define you the rest of your life. avoid the Kaimin couches and Bacardi Limon, trust me.

lil' Danny, let's rap about girls. there are plenty of girls that you'll chase over the years that will want nothing to do with you: let them go. if you keep hounding them, they might relent for a little while but it is always going to end up sour in the end. need more specific advice to get you through high school and those first few years of college? Misty and Ashley? not worth it. Stephanie? whatever you are thinking about doing, do the opposite. don't end up being the guy that you'd hate for your sisters to date. Halley: assert the plans for your future together earlier. Shayla? i'm not saying that she's the one that gets away, but don't let her go so easily. also don't buy her flowers when she's drunk.

i know you are buddy-buddy with your parents but that is going to change. the solid family structure that you see now is going to change drastically over the years so be prepared. and although your parents will screw you over time after time, be forgiving and don't let the bitterness run your life. regarding your siblings, as annoying as you might find them, be a better role model and be more active in their lives when you go off to school.

quit making fun of Texas, you'll one day live there. and finally, i have got to say that those 22 years that you will have spent in Montana is going to show on the dance floor. you won't be an awful dance but you aren't going to be Gregory Hines either. but who the hell cares? dance anyways, and dance a lot. life is too short to spend your time chilling in the bleachers so go out and make an ass out of yourself while J.Lo and Ja Rule's "I'm Real" blares on the loudspeakers. nobody will remember your bad moves the next day but you will always remember the good times you had. and this dancing example is a metaphor for a lot of things that you will find you are only average at but i needed an excuse to name-drop Ja Rule.

there are a lot more you will learn about things such as race, friends and cars but i'd imagine that with the attention span you have, you probably tuned out six paragraphs ago. so, have fun learning those things on your own, that's half the adventure of it anyways.

peace out cub scout,

22-year-old Danny

Mario Chalmers gets Wallace a championship

i think it's safe to say that Wallace isn't going to read this until later on today as i think she was out celebrating the Jayhawks' big win over Memphis to win the NCAA tournament. i'll be looking forward to the Facebook pictures of all the celebratory debauchery that i hope will sprout up.

while i am glad that Kansas won because i have friends with KU connections, the biggest thing for me was thankfully it was a good game. with the exception of three games (Western Kentucky v. Drake, San Diego v. UConn and KU v. Davidson), the tournament had kind of sucked so it was nice to watch a game that had me paying attention the entire time.

you can't be feeling very well if you are a Memphis fan right now. in fact, being as Memphis isn't the best neighborhood in the world in the first place, it might be a wise idea for Memphis residents to stay indoors for the next few days. as great as Kansas was down the stretch, Memphis played perhaps the worst two minutes ever to end a regulation period. to recap the horrible play of the Tigers...

• on Kansas' final play in regulation, Memphis has 10 seconds to foul but didn't and Chalmers came up with a huge shot. in the postgame press conference, Calipari said that Memphis was trying to foul but failed. horrible execution and when you let a play like that unfold, you are going to get a dagger sunk through your heart every time. as soon as that ball left Chalmers' hands did anybody doubt that the game was going into overtime? the boy is a balla.
  
• they couldn't make a free throw to save their lives. missing three or four free throws in crunch time was ridiculous. seriously they are called a free throw for a reason. i don't understand how Derrick Rose could make all those circus shots with two Kansas defenders draped on him, but he can't make a gimme-shot with nobody in his grill.
  
• Joey Dorsey commits a dumb foul and fouls out with about a minute left in regulation. that foul seemed insignificant at the time but the Tigers inability to rebound in overtime showed how badly Dorsey was missed.
  

but although Memphis sucked at the end of regulation, you've got to give Kansas some major props. to chip away at that seven-point lead and go on an 18-3 run over the span of nearly five minutes was big (not Chalmers clutch shot big, but pretty big regardless). when the Jayhawks went up by four points in overtime, i said to the guys i was watching the game with "This game is over, no way it gets any closer." it didn't and you've got to give Kansas all the credit in the world.

Kansas also did a good job of defending Rose for most of the game. Rose had a five or ten minute stretch in the second half where he showed why he should be the #1 draft pick but during the first half and overtime, he was worthless. the Jayhawks let Douglas-Roberts chuck it up as much as he wanted while limiting Rose's shot selection and that decision turned out to be a pretty good one.

it is good for the sport to have the championship back at a traditional basketball school. like having Tampa Bay and Carolina win the damn Stanley Cup in hockey, Florida winning back-to-back titles wasn't doing much for the NCAA's tradition and it's hard to see Memphis as a valued addition to the history books either.

with the win, the Jayhawks probably just wrapped up the second greatest sporting year of recent memory. KU became only the fourth school (Wisconsin, Ohio State and Florida are the other three) to reach the Final Four and a BCS bowl game in the same academic year and only the second to win a BCS bowl game and the basketball title. only Florida, which won the national title in both basketball and football last year, can claim that they had a better year. so congrats to all the Jayhawks, i'd have to imagine that life is pretty damn good in Lawrence right now.

for all you KU and Luther Vandross fans, here is your One Shining Moment.

my wallet does not get a One Shining Moment

we dedicate this post in honor of Wallace, a KU student, and Jayhawk fan Robyn, two of the seven people who actually read this blog.

while those two are Rock, Chalk, Jayahawking it tonight for the NCAA championship game, i will be bitterly thinking about how UCLA getting its butts kicked on Saturday cost me $150. following the incredible two-fer year of 2006, this is now two straight years that i haven't won an office pool and i am starting to get the shakes. lame.

The Clintons smoothly serenade the female Clinton

for those of you in Montana that are living under a rock, the 2008 democratic primaries have come to the Big Sky State. Barack and Hillary smoozed with the Mansfield-Metcalf people last night in Butte while Barack also made an appearance at the Adams Center on Saturday and Hillary will be making some Missoula speeches today.

this whole thing pisses me off a bit since it appears that everything cool happens in Montana after i left the borders. i lived through 22 years of nothing (most exciting thing: Christina Aguilera coming to Billings) and ever since i left there have been about 18 Griz football players arrested and primary elections that matter. well, at least i am a registered voter in the state so i can feel that my absentee vote somewhat matters.

this election thing is getting so big that one of the state's biggest band, the Clintons, made a song professing its love for Mrs. Clinton. we admit that we're a bit biased because (a) TYC likes the Hillary and (b) the renowned bassist for the Clintons is a friend, former boss and does a mean worm (disclaimer: the douche in the worm video is not A.J.).

and in case you're wondering, A.J. is the guy in the video who puts on the chapstick in a moderately sexy manner. this just might be his second best work to hit YouTube following, of course, the iMovie entry of 2006.

and in the spirit of equality, here's a link to the Will.I.Am produced music video for Obama.

the sex talk that will be worse than the one i got

can somebody tell me how the yet-to-be-born daughter of the pregnant man is going to end up normal? i can see the awkward "where do babies come from?" talk now...

"well sweetie, when a man loves a woman he sticks his private part into her private part and they make a baby. then the mommy gets big because the baby is growing inside of her and nine months later, the baby is born. but in your case, when a man loves a woman but the woman is unable to have a baby and the man still have woman parts because he was formerly a woman, they find another man to give them his special baby-making sauce. then the man gets big because the baby is growing inside and nine months later, a baby is born."

if that doesn't seem like a good talk, you'll have to excuse me because my experience in the sex talk category is very limited. i was never given the sex talk, my parents gave me a book to read.

a very comfortable tax return makes its debut

historical note: today is the 40th anniversary of MLK's assassination. sometimes i've got to wonder how Dr. King would react if he was still alive today. i get a strange feeling that him and Bill Cosby would be so disgusted by the hip-hop culture that they'd probably just run away to some foreign docile and reminisce about the good ol' days when black folks didn't try to shame their race on a daily basis. i mean, during the 60s we had people marching for equality, today we spend our time trying to back that ass up.

something to look forward to: a blog war with Patrick Duganz. it will be epic.

i feel like i am getting old and while most people feel like i probably just got my driver's license (i'll probably tell that story over the weekend), i feel that i am going on 50. i went out to The Library with John last night and we left the downtown area to head home before 11 p.m. yes, i was heading home as most normal 22-year-olds were arriving downtown.

me and John's hot conversation of the night? underage drinking and our insistence that three girls in the bar were still in high school. our best pick-up line: "So, do you have a date to Prom?"

oh, other reasons that i feel old...

• my damn friends keep deciding to get married and i am relationship-less. so quick falling in love jerks. if guys have biological clocks, i am sure mine is clicking.
• i get up at 5 a.m. on a regular basis.
• i think 95 percent of music on the radio is crap.
• i have used the term "Back when I was your age..." at least three times this week. I have also complained about Pluto not being considered a planet anymore.
• the new snazzy graphics on the evening news are pretty ridiculous.
  

buuuuut, the benifit of being old was that i got to sleep in my new queen-sized bed (tax return money hard at work) last night. i finally got my mattress yesterday and i am here to report that the bed is a lot more comfortable than the futon.

this is actually the first bed i have ever owned. my parents bought me a futon when i was like 12 because that was apparently what they thought all the hip teenagers were sleeping on in the late '90s. in college, i didn't need to buy a bed since i was either a resident or an RA in the dorms for all four years and beds (think, $10 blue mattress that were just barely better than the Camp Paxson ones that me and Kofi are modeling above) were provided. and i had a bed provided for my internship this summer and bought a futon when i moved into the apartment in August.

but now i have a bed! and it's comfy, which is a plus because an old man has got to get his sleep.

the story of the red sweatshirt

you would think that with the massive amount of effort i've put into work and my Facebook comic book today, i'd have no time for a great blog post. pssh, did you kids forget that i'm pretty incredible?

anybody who knows me, knows that i am do love the sweatshirts. i have six or seven in my closet and i absolutely believe that the worse thing about living in Austin (besides, the fact that it's in Texas) is there is only about a three month window where i can get away with wearing sweatshirts outside.

undoubtedly, my favorite sweatshirt is my Oregon one that my friend Natalie gave me as a mock graduation gift. my dream school in high school was the University of Oregon but because of some financial issues, i was stuck at the UM. to mock me, Natalie, who had an older sister who went to Oregon State, got me the Oregon sweatshirt.

i wore that sweatshirt religiously my freshman and sophomore years of college and although its become quite ratty, i wear it often still around the apartment. it is the one piece of clothing that i will never throw out or donate. ever. it's also the one piece of clothing that if my house ever gets robbed, the thieves will likely leave behind.

anyways, i also have a Montana sweatshirt that i am very fond of as well as a controversial sweatshirt. why is it controversial? well, because i live in Austin and the sweatshirt is from USC.

back story: i got the sweatshirt in the Grand Sweatshirt Exchange of 2006. my friend Jamie, who goes to USC, gave me a red USC sweatshirt and i got her a UM one, which i believe was gray. unfortunately, people in Texas really do hate the USC, although the Longhorns BEAT USC in the 2005 Rose Bowl to win the national championship.

so yes, i get lots of flak whenever i wear the sweatshirt out in public. one night, i was two steps into a bar when somebody told me to fuck off. i was boo-ed at an elementary school cafeteria on Wednesday when i went to go hang out with my mentee Israel. i am waiting to get mugged.

but despite all the hateration (shout-out to Shayla), i am going to keep wearing the sweatshirt. it's comfortable, i like it and i like the person that sent it to me. so Austinites, quit hating on the 38 burnt orange t-shirts in yours.

how to properly eat a plate of spaghetti, son

IDOL UPDATE: Syesha avoided the bottom 3 and Kristy Lee Cook somehow lives to torture us with her voice for another two weeks since nobody is likely to get kicked off next week with the "Idols Gives Back" concert. Instead of Kristy Lee Cook, Ramielle packed her bags and tear ducts and went back to 15secondsoffame, USA. TYC drops to 7-9 (43.75 percent) on the season with out picks so we're not really sure why we're still trying either. we also don't know why we are writing this like more than one person is writing this blog.

i'm going to bed as soon as South Park is done because I've got to be up really early tomorrow and i am pretty tired right now. anyways, here's a tip for all you kids out there when it comes to eating and exercising. it's not wise to eat a big plate of spaghetti w/ alfredo sauce and then go run 30 minutes later. that was a riveting run.

apparently not all black girls can sing like Whitney

i'm pretty good at scouting out April Fools Day pranks but the one they did on PTI got me pretty good. oh, and my brother nearly went on a Spring Break trip with some kids that ended up getting locked up in Mexico for attempted murder. good stuff today.

anyways, i am re-arranging the apartment in anticiaption of my new mattress coming on Thursday so i will make this Idol recap very short because son, i've got shit to do.

i'm tired of these theme nights but everybody was actually pretty good tonight. i'm very scared for Syesha though who was predictable in singing "I Will Always Love You" and while it was was actually awesome and nowhere near the worst performance of the night (Ramielle Malubay, Kristy Lee Cook), it was nowhere near Whitney, so that will hurt her. everybody picked songs that nobody knew so there is nothing to compare them to but Syesha went with the one song that everybody and their mother knows. not smart.

if i am going to pick somebody to go home, i'm picking Kristy Lee Cook who despite having a country theme wasn't that good. it's likely that Syesha is sent packing but i will never pick baby girl, so Kristy Lee it is.