Michael Jackson? dead. Ed McMahon? dead.
Farrah Fawcett? dead.
Billy Mays (of all people)? dead.
the moral of this story is that it is not a good week to be a celebrity. it is however a great week to be a governor of South Carolina.
if you didn't know, Mark Sanford is in hot water after having his extramarital affair outed this past week. yea, a Republican politician had an affair. shocker. but what made Sanford's affair so awesome is that he was caught after disappearing for a few days to go sex up his mistress. his office said he was hiking in the Appalachians while he was actually in South America.
now that is what i call a long-distance relationship. Sanford doesn't go the intern or transsexual hooker route, he goes to foreign countries to sleep around on his wife. it actually seems like a brilliant idea, when you think about it. who is going to leak this to the press? who is this lady going to tell when he breaks it off? how is the National Enquirer going to find out? the only problem was (aside from abandoning the state you're supposed to be running for half a week) was the guy managed to get caught in the airport while returning from his abroad tryst. if he had the power to have his staff concoct an excuse for his disappearance for four days, you'd think that he'd have a plan to be snuck back into South Carolina without giving caught. somebody needs to work on their playa skills.
but, then again, South Carolina is the state that produced this awesome-ness so maybe it's unfair for us to assume that they'd be able to make a rational decision.
so anyways, Sanford becomes a headline and people are calling for his job and his political career is in jeopardy. and then, the celebrities started dying left and right. as i write this blog, there is not a single headline on CNN.com's homepage about the governor and his summer vacation. nobody knows (or cares about) Mark Sanford. us Americans do care a lot who is going to be the pitchman for OxiClean now.
in the past TYC has honored these political scandals by inducting the mistress into the Big Board of Beauties (see: Ashley Alexandra Dupre). now unfortunately, Sanford's main squeeze is only decent looking so that won't work. i was thinking about inducting Miss Teen South Carolina but, even though she's college-aged now, she was competing in a Miss Teen competition when she became famous so i'd just feel like a creeper. then i Wikipedia'd the state and realized that Andie McDowell appears to be the only celebrity from the state with a vagina so "no thanks" on that one. i then thought about doing a six degrees of separation from McDowell but that is going to take too much work.
so we're just going to instead induct Shakira and Christine Lakin of Step-by-Step fame and call it good.
why Shakira? because i used to have like five posters of her plastered on my dorm walls and Le texted me last night to remind me of her swell-ness. and while Shakira hasn't made any good music in like 46 years, there is no reason why we still can't revel in her hotness. why Christine Lakin? why not? Step-by-Step was a damn good show and Lakin is a Texas girl.
Lakin and Shakia are the first BBoB inductees of 2009. they join Thandie Newton, Jarah Mariano, Marion Cotillard, Michelle Williams, Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Clinton and Dupre in the most prestigious hall of fame in the cyber universe. recognize.
in honor of Mark Sanford, Ludacris, play us out.
0 comments:
Post a Comment