everyone knows that the newspaper industry is in trouble these days.
some journalists are losing their jobs while some are just jumping ship. some have been forced to take pay cuts and thus might be looking for ways to earn some extra money. by earning extra money, i'd assume that people would go work weekends at TJ Maxx or go deliver pizzas.
Kevin Provencher decided to go this route.
i really don't have many smart-aleck remarks to make on this one. i mean, wow. really?
well, at least he handed out an assist to his newspaper with a rather juicy story. he's like the Magic Johnson of the newspaper industry. sheesh.
Inner Circle, play us out.
because of the vacation and, ya know, work, the episodes of Law & Order: SVU have been backed up on the 'ol DVR. so i've been trying to catch up over the past few days.
but i'm not here to talk about SVU. i'm here to talk about the USA network, which runs the SVU marathons on Sundays and Tuesdays. since it is their station, USA likes to run a lot of promos for its own shows and i've got to say, i think USA might have the worst TV programming in the world. and this is a statement from a guy who watches probably too many shows on those food, home and travel channels (sidenote for the children: that's what happens when you are in a committed relationship. the days of your TV living on ESPN for 22 hours a day are ova).
so USA has this show called Royal Pains. i've never seen the show but i am just going to asssume its terrible based on the commercials. there are shows like Scrubs, Nip/Tuck, House and Grey's Anatomy on the airwaves, do we really need another medical show? and what is with this concept? know-it-all/rogue/wannabe sex symbol doctor gets fired and starts up his own private practice with the help of his wisecrack brother who has jokes about ballerinas and sunlight. yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. and the worst news about this drama? USA renewed the show for another season on Tuesday. once again, i've never seen the show but it just seems like a second season of that nonsense should classify as cruel and unusual punishment.
i'd be willing to give USA a pass on Royal Pains but the rest of their lineup consists of a doozy called In Plain Sight, something called Monk which is a show that my dad apparently likes and Burn Notice, which surprisingly has nothing to do with fires. oh! and the USA Network has new episodes of the crappy Law & Order series (Criminal Intent) so go them.
i'm not really sure where i'm going with this rant and i'm sorry that shows like Monk and Burn Notice got stuck in the crosshairs but if i see one more commercial for Royal Pains i am going to throw away my TV. and then i'll throw away your TV too. because, really, nobody should have to suffer through a world in which a show like Royal Pains is on TV while Without A Trace is in the cancellation bin.
Mike Jones, play us out.
so if you have Twitter/the Facebook/the MySpace/TV, you have seen the video of the biggest wedding since those lovebirds Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston tied the knot (i have a good feeling that those two are going to make it). if you haven't seen the video, get off your MySpace and get with the 2009s and watch it here.so this video has made these people famous. the video has gotten over 10 million views, the newlyweds are making TV appearances and i seriously think every person who has ever used Twitter linked to that five minute dance-a-thon. hell, there was a link to it on Sports Illustrated's website. yes, Sports Illustrated.i am not sold on this video.correct me if i'm wrong here, but is it a good idea to have the walk-in song for your WEDDING sung by an artist who just got into some trouble for a lil' domestic abuse? that's not a good sign. but maybe these guys march to the beat of a different drummer and they'll play a typical love song for their divorce hearings in five years.i'm kind of shocked that Chris Brown wasn't the best man at the wedding because the publicity from this thing has kind of made his music relevant again. Forever, which i swore was released in 1993 but apparently came out last year, is back in the iTunes Top 10 so it's good to see that talent-less hack is making some money. sigh. and here's another thing, why was/is Rihanna with Chris Brown in the first place? the guy is moderately talented, has had like one hit and it's not like Salt N' Pepa would be dropping his name like Denzel if they were making music these days. i think we may need to rethink crowning Rihanna as a pop princess when she apparently has the IQ of a six-year-old.sorry about that random tangent but c'mon wedding dancers, let's get with the program. and the next time someone decided to YouTube a wedding parade, let's go with less Chris Brown and more Will Smith. ahh yea, that's the stuff.Mr. Smith, play us out.
dearly beloved, we are here today to mourn the death of the MySpace. yes, at 8:36 on a Tuesday morning, i am pronouncing MySpace dead.
remember when MySpace was cool? i don't. see, i was never a fan of the MySpace, in fact i've always kind of hated it. the bagillion different profile backgrounds annoyed me, the concept of a Top 8 friends list was always just a consistent controversy and the photo albums were about as user friendly as a swift kick to the nuts. i think the only cool things about the MySpace was the profile songs, the occasional time-killing surveys and its ability to make stalking so damn easy.
i used to be all about the Yahoo chat back in the day but my first "grown-up" social networking site was the Facebook and i've stayed true to my first love. in fact, the only reason that i stayed on the MySpace was my sister and two of my good friends didn't have Facebook. but then those three people caught up with 2004 and got on Facebook within the last year.
so i had no more need for MySpace. and apparently my friends don't either. seriously, that place is desolate and there have been about seven status updates in the last month. its a good thing that MySpace installed that Facebook chat because the most friends i've ever seen online is one.
MySpace was done in by its own incompetence as well as the rise of Facebook and Twitter. let's face it, Facebook is just a better site and that says a lot because Facebook definitely has its issues. MySpace's biggest problem was the billions of spam accounts that got on and hit up its membership offers with offers of sex and good times. do you know what happened on Twitter when the spam stars tried to take over? Twitter got rid of those accounts. MySpace didn't. seriously, i can't remember the last time i got a legit comment/message from someone who didn't earn a living from having sex with random men.
so i have 48 friends left on MySpace and i say we mourn MySpace together and head on over to the world of Facebook. that is, of course, until that gets old and we all move onto something else that's hip.
Michael Buble, play us out.
so i am spending the day watching the 490 copies of Law & Order: SVU i have stored on my DVR. why the backlog of SVU episodes? well, i've been out of town since Sunday, that's why. yes, folks it's time for a vacation ruuuuuuuuuuuuuundown!
Chastity and i had been on a roadtrip (see: Alyssa's wedding) before but we've never had an overnight trip. so on Sunday we hit the road and headed to Fredericksburg. in about an hour or so, we were driving into town and i noticed a convincing theme: that town had a lot of peach stands, wineries, tourist shops and bed and breakfasts. seriously, you take away those things and all that's left is a McDonalds and Super 8 motel.
we stopped and had lunch at the peach cobbler-less Peach Tree restaurant (which has no peach cobbler but has a mean meatloaf sandwich) and then hit up a bunch of lil' shops where i bought a few shot glasses and took a few pictures. i also ran into one of my co-workers and saw another co-worker the next morning which was weird since, ya know, i was on vacation.
after our trip to Fredericksburg, we went down the road a few miles to a bed and breakfast that i am somewhat convinced was at one time a plantation. it was really quiet and beautiful, we got to go to a winery, had a great breakfast and got to spend quality time together. as was mentioned in a previous TYC post, i was grounded from my computer on Sunday and we only watched like 45 minutes of TV so i discovered this weekend that it is possible to have a good time without electronic devices. i feel like i can relate to people from 1910 now.
we also went to the B&B's five-course dinner which, for a guy who like to eat hamburgers on a regular basis, was unique. there was some appetizer with seven ingredients that i had never heard of, a salad with no lettuce, strawberry shortcake with some tangy glaze and chocolate-covered grapes. there was also a delicious rice and quail dish (yes, quail isn't just for the Doug cartoons anymore) and for the main course, Chastity had some fish soup while i opted for the filet mignon. not gonna lie, it's going to be strange to go from a $100 meal to eating shells and cheese again. i think i may just go win the lottery so i can eat in the lap of luxury on a daily basis.
the next day, we headed up to Arlington to see a Texas Rangers game. the only problem is that Fredericksburg is kind of in the middle of nowhere so my guess is not too many people make the F'burg to Arlington trip. so Mapquest sent us on a four-hour journey on some random highways and through some very small towns. we even stopped at the grave of Billy The Kid which turned out to be the grave of this guy. so i guess i learned something too.
we finally got to Arlington, had dinner with Chastity's sister and went to the game where i saw the Rangers beat the Red Sox and ate the nastiest hot dog ever. i've been to five major league ballparks (Tampa Bay, Seattle, Houston, Arlington and D.C.) and i think that the ballpark in Arlington ranks behind only Safeco Field in Seattle on my very short list of top ballparks. oh, and a small tip about Arlington: i'm convinced that the only two songs they play on their radio stations are this song and the remix to that Birthday Sex song. i'm sure you can guess which tune i preferred more.
the next day, Chastity and i drove home and ended the day at Dave & Busters for Stacey's birthday party. the Ball Bustas pooled together our tickets and bought an Elmo doll for a mascot.
so yea, that was Summer Vacation 2009. last year, i went to DC, LA and Chicago for the summer and honestly (no offense to my cross-coast homies) i liked my roadtrip across Texas more. tune in in the fall for another vacation ruuuuuuuuuundown: the Chastity goes to Montana edition!
Vitamin C, play us out.
this will likely be my last post for a few days because i am... going on a vacation!!! well, it's only a mini-vacation and Chastity has already informed me that my computer time will be limited so there won't be a bunch of Facebook time for me over the next few days.we are heading to a bed and breakfast in the Fredericksburg area today and then will drive up to Arlington for a Texas Rangers game on Monday. she got to pick one thing to do on vacation and i got to pick one thing and i'm sure you can figure out who picked which one. we'll be back on Tuesday but i have the next two days off so i will just be watching DVR'd Law & Order: SVU episodes all day. should be fun.one final note, frequent TYC commenter Blair Shiff got engaged so we are happy about that. the only problem is Blair has the initials B.S. which i'm sure made her the root of many childhood jokes (and if they didn't, i'm just going to start making her the root of my childish jokes from here on out). marriage would give Blair an opportunity to get some new initials but.... she's marrying a guy whose last name starts with a "S". tough break. but still we're very happy for Blair, David and their dog/my homie Milo.in honor of Blair's engagement, i had to find some corny wedding song to play us out.this should do the trick. Bob Carlisle, play us out.
so yesterday, Chastity and i were watching the MLB all-star game and aside from the NL losing again, the one Rockie who played being robbed of a home run and Obama throwing his first pitch like a 6-year-old girl, everything was great. except for this.
folks, i am calling on a full out war against Taco Bell. they just wasted two minutes of our lives with that crap and they must be punished. it's not enough that their food is, at best, mediocre but their rapping is... i don't even know how to describe it.
i am taking a stand until Taco Bell releases an apology and a commercial with Will Smith. so no more 99 cent tacos for me. i am taking my business and late night munchies across the highway to Taco Cabana. i will also be dumping all of my dimes into a melting pot and molding one huge ball of dime dust to throw through the nearest Taco Bell window i can find.
maybe this commercial will be enough to convince the Central Texas area that we need a damn Del Taco. that place is delicious.
i would like to talk about, of all things, tennis today but first i've got to get some things out of the way. onto the trail mix...
i went and saw Public Enemies on Friday and i'll give it a $4 rating. not a complete waste of money but it isn't going in the DVD collection either. i've also got to start showing up to these movies more than two minutes in advance so i can get better seats... fair or foul: Beyonce's new song? i say "fair" to Kanye's verse and "foul" to the part where Beyonce is singing about Jay-Z's penis and then singing about her penis... and i think this might be the worst song ever.
so on July 5, i went out to breakfast with my cousin and her husband but instead of talking about family or the Magnolia Cafe menu, we were focused on my phone. why my phone? because my phone has the internet and i was keeping track of the tennis match between Roger Federer and Austinite Andy Roddick. the match went forever before Federer won but yea, it was interesting to track a tennis match on my phone.
but i'm not writing this to talk about the awesome-ness of my phone, i am writing this to declare my intentions to compete in the 2010 Wimbledon tournament. you heard right folks, i'm going pro.
what makes me think that i can compete on tennis' biggest stage? well, i finished in second place in the end-of-the-year class tournament of my freshman year tennis class. sure, i lost to a girl but that girl was like the Monica Seles of the University of Montana HHP scene.
i have also been practicing a lot recently on my Wii. oh yea, my George Bush refund is going to make me even more money. i am undefeated against Chastity and have gone 4-0 in singles play against the computer. i have a wicked backhand, can't be beat when i'm returning serves with my forehand and i sometimes get the buttons pushed right and can unleash one nasty serve. yea, Roger who?
the only thing standing in my way of a Wimbledon championship is the dress code because i've had nightmares about being around a ton of people dressed in all white. so maybe i'll just wait to begin my tennis dominance at the 2010 U.S. Open.
no need to wonder anymore Chris Tucker, Michael Jackson was a p-i-m-p.
did you see the way he rolled into his own funeral? did you see all of his pall-bearers wearing one of his signature gloves? did you see the, as Wallace put it, "bomb" casket he had? did you see that each of the four major news stations, CNN, MTV, BET and any other cable station worth a damn (including our local Spanish TV station, translator-induced voiceover included) televised his funeral? i mean, wow.
i'm going to get my sarcastic comments out of the way right now... comment 1: hmmm, i thought i was watching a funeral for Michael Jackson, not Mariah Carey's voice... comment 2: how much does Chris Brown regret the Rihanna incident now? he was blacklisted from the BET tribute and reduced to just being in the audience today. good job dude... comment 3: Kobe Bryant? really? was Tiger Woods busy?... comment 4: MLKIII apparently did not inherit his father's speaking skills... comment 5: makes sense for a Texas representative to be speaking at a California funeral for a pop superstar who was born in Indiana... comment 6: your sunglasses look ridiculous Usher... comment 7: Shaheen Who?
sarcasm aside, it was a very good service and well worth the five or so hours that i spent watching CNN today. i think that this thing was dragged out long enough that any tears that might have wanted to flow were dried out days ago so i was just able to watch and enjoy. i was able to watch and enjoy beautiful performances by Lionel, Jennifer Hudson, Stevie Wonder and John Mayer, i was able to watch and enjoy great speeches by Smokey, Brooke Shields and Michael's brothers and daughter and i was able to watch and enjoy the numerous tributes and montages. it was great. it was beautiful. it was fitting for a King.
so before you go MJ, me and your music have something to say to you:
Dear Michael,
We really wished you could have beat it. We wished that you would have lived to celebrate with Dirty Diana, Ben and Billie Jean for one more day.
But God decided to take you home and since death isn't a black or white issue, we're left to ask if you were gone too soon. but you did leave us with your legacy and a ridiculous amount of memorable songs and hits so all I can say is thanks. do you remember the time when you were a thriller to the entire world? and although I'm sure you'll never know the way you make me feel, you never failed to rock my world. Thanks for reminding us to look at the man in the mirror and for trying to heal the world.
sorry about that P.Y.T. Mariah Carey's performance at your memorial but hopefully soon she's out of my life. sorry about some of the haters spewing things about you over the past week, trust me, whenever i heard the negative comments i wanted to scream and have the haters just leave me alone. but, guess what, i don't care if you were sometimes off the wall. i don't care if you were sometimes bad and i don't care if you were allegedly a smooth criminal. i just can't stop loving you MJ and i will continue to blast your music whenever i get the opportunity. maybe its simply human nature to feel a connection with someone who you've never met, but you were my homie Mike.
heaven can wait for me but hopefully, one day we'll all meet up. will you be there? you are not alone Michael because i am sure that there are a bunch of people up there wanting to rock with you. hey, but be sure to pace yourself a bit so when your earthly fans who wanna be startin' somethin' get to heaven, we can go tear up that big club in the sky so badly that we leave some blood on the dance floor.
that's all i've got to say Mike, once again, thanks for the memories.
sincerely,
danny
so i've decided that if she wanted to, Fergie could rule the world.
yes, the woman who first taught us how to spell the word "kids" in the 80s and again taught us how to spell with some of her adult songs, has a grasp on our iPod and not even the death of Michael Jackson can break it.
for those of you who haven't been paying much attention to the news in the past month, Michael Jackson passed away and in the 10 days or so since his death, the sales of his music have skyrocketed. it was almost like he was the most popular artist in the world. almost. because no matter how many hits Michael Jackson had (and he had quite a few), he can't knock off the Black Eyed Peas.
at the end of last week, Michael Jackson owned three of the top five spots on the iTunes' top-selling list. the other two slots, including the No. 1 position, went to the Peas. as i write this, BEP owns the top two slots while Michael's Man In The Mirror had dropped to No. 7 and Billie Jean rounded out the top ten. yes, more people want this song in their iPods than this song. congrats America. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
the thing that annoys me the most is that the second song on the current list (and the third song last week) is Boom Boom Pow. yes, even though Wikipedia told me that this song was released on March 10, Boom Boom Pow is still selling like hotcakes.
now i enjoy the BEPs as much as anyone else (they rap happy) but c'mon who doesn't own this song? i bought the song like two months ago and i thought i was slow. either the Peas have $1,000 budgeted each day for iTunes purchases or the same people who are just purchasing their songs are also just learning how to do the Macarena. i'm honestly shocked that My Humps hasn't cracked the top 20 lately.
so sorry, Michael, even though you have 13 Grammys, 13 No. 1 singles and you looked hella fly in gangsta attire, you were just handed a Perez Hilton-esque butt-kicking by the Peas. seriously, Fergie, wasn't it enough that you had to ruin the Thriller 25th anniversary CD? can't you give the man some love on the charts? ugh. yip, i think this is a good example of why other countries hate us.
but MJ, we appreciate and love you in the TYC so play us out.
the big question going into this season of the Real World was if it would be more like the great Brooklyn season or more like the Hollywood season. well, we have gotten to know the Cancun staff for a whole two episodes and we've got our answer... yea, this season is going to be awful. seriously, bail. get out. now. i would but there is nothing else on TV on Wednesdays and i like having other people's issues make me feel better about myself.
let recap the castmates: - Jasmine: the sista has already used the term: "because i would get kicked out of this ho real quick." the early leader for the award of my favorite housemate.
- Derek: he hasn't been on the show enough for me to gauge how much i will eventually hate him.
- CJ: spent the first episode cuddling with Emilee, which led to a break-up with his girlfriend. then spent the second episode trying to get down Jonna's pants. my guess is by episode eight, he's plowed through all four girl roommates and has fooled around with a couple of the guys as well.
- Emilee: she reminds me of Parisa from Sydney but she isn't hot enough to pull off being that obnoxious.
- Joey: he spit in the girls' tacos and they broke his guitar. now instead of listening to his crappy music, we'll have to listen to him talk. yea, this is what we in the business call a no-win situation.
- Jonna: playing the role of the "i-have-a-boyfriend-who-i-love-but-i-am-going-to-put-myself-into- 4,000-000-situations -that-may-cause-me-to-cheat" roommate. and i am not sure why people keep saying she's the hottest roommate because she is battling Ayiiia for the No. 4 slot on my power rankings.
- Bronne: he makes out with 50-year-old women. i think he might be the guy you invite to hang out so the next day when you are trying to rationalize what you did, you can be like "well, i wasn't as bad as Bronne." every group needs one of those guys.
- Ayiiia: you would have thought that MTV would have learned with Greg that the internet casting thing was a bad idea. instead, they went and cast Ayiiia who is.... just... ugh. she's terrible. if i am running into an building and there a two elevators - one with Ayiiia and one with 16 Klansmen, i am going to jump in with the guys wearing pillowcases and just hope that it's a quick ride too whatever floor i'm going to. i mean, she has three consecutive Is in her name! doesn't that just spell terriiible?
so there you go, we are two episodes in and i already hate myself for continuing to watch this show. luckily, i am watching these eight morons so i've been able to funnel that self-hate towards people who, i hope, i never meet. win-win.
as you can see, Maria has a new tramp stamp.
yes folks, i am halfway to being a new Texas driver. after spending 90-some dolla bills on a state inspection and another $177.something on vehicle registration, i was able to take home my snazzy new Texas license plates yesterday. and to be honest with you, i felt rather dirty putting them on my car. i feel like i betrayed my Montana and i don't feel original anymore. instead of people who have to put up with my driving saying "look at that asshole driving from Montana", people will now just simply say "look at that asshole driving." sad day.
now i have to get my Texas driver's license but that might take a while since i had to register my vehicle first before i could get my license. i also have to provide a birth certificate, a voter's registration card, my Montana license, the names of my unborn children, a blood and/or semen sample and my collection of Fresh Prince of Bel Air DVDs. i am only partially lying here.
so yea, i am one step closer to being a Texan. better go buy that gun rack.
